Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
