Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
