Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i dont even know how to be here
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
