Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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