My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
