My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
