who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize