How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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