I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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