Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
