if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
