How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
