drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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