Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
