You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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