He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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