is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
