I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
