Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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