There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
