dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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