And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
