Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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