last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
