True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
