Plan B is the new Plan A
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
