i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
whose parrot is this?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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