I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
