Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
