Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
