Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
