I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
