So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
