was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
