I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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