i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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