I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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