If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
