She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
