can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
