...so i touched it.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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