Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
