are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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