I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I could make wine with my vomit
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
