Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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