Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
