I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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