My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
