my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
