You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize