I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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