im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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