i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
