I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
