I feel like I'm in dance class right now
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
