Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
