some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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