i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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