he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
