I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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