end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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