I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
she looked like the before picture.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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