Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
