So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
as a side note pls kill me
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
