Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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