brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
