you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
