One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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