Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize