did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
