what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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