Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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