JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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