90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
