You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
